Addison & Jace ::: en route

It’s been ten months since Addison and I packed up our stuff and our lives in South Carolina and headed west to Colorado. We didn’t know what we’d find when we got here; we were traveling on hopes and dreams. 

What we discovered in the wild west was far more than we expected. In just a few short months, we have fallen in love with Colorado. For so many reasons (listed below for your enjoyment, gentle readers), we have truly come to call Colorado and Denver our new home.

1. Colorado is a beautiful state. You’ve seen me talking about this again and again on the blog as I explore the corners of the most beautiful state in the country. From the majestic, snow-capped Rocky Mountains to Denver’s stellar skyline, Colorado takes my breath away. It really is a wonderful feeling to look around and see beauty all around you.

2. My job is awesome. We moved across the country so that I could take my job as Communications Manager at One Colorado. It was a big risk, but it’s paid off tremendously. I love my work. I love politics and advocacy. I love thinking about the right messaging and building relationships with the media. I love spending my days working for equality for families that look like mine.

3. Addison’s job kicks ass. I always knew my wonderful wife would be a success, but moving to Colorado has catapulted her career forward in a way we never expected. She got a promotion and a pay increase from the job she left in South Carolina, and she’s really kicking ass at her new job. She’s already been given leadership and growth opportunities as well as increased responsibilities. She’ll be running the place in no time!

4. We have amazing friends. Within just a few months, Addison and I have connected with really fabulous, wonderful people. We’re so lucky to have folks in our lives who accept and love us for who we are. From playing cards to going to sporting events to camping (which we’re doing for the first time in September) to drinking infused vodka, we enjoy every minute we spend with our friends.

5. Denver is friendly to LGBT folks. I may be speaking from the sheltered bubble in which I live (living in the gayborhood and working at a LGBT organization), but I have found Denver to be accepting of Addison and me. We feel safe and comfortable walking down the street hand-in-hand and being ourselves in our community. In South Carolina, I used to be stared at all the time for rejecting gender norms, but I don’t turn heads in Denver, a city that attracts lesbians who look like me as well as a slew of straight women who don’t follow gender stereotypes either. It may sound like a small thing, but it feels right to live in a community where you feel accepted and embraced for who you are, whether you follow the rules or not.

6. Denver is a place where I can see us starting a family. Colorado has a second parent adoption law, which will give us the protections we need to bring little ones into the world. More importantly, the lives we are building here are positive and stable and full of love—the perfect setting in which to bring children and to show them the beauty of the world and teach them how to love and accept others. The only thing that would make Denver a better place to start a family is if my parents were here. But I do have to admit that there is a part of me that hopes I can convince them to relocate out west once we start our family. I suppose we’ll just have to see… ;)

Addison and I aren’t willing to make any long-term plans right now—we’ve made too many that haven’t come to fruition—but for now, we’re absolutely loving life in Denver, Colorado, and we’re proud to call it our home.

It’s been ages since I’ve actually written a blog post. It’s because life in Colorado started off very fast and a bit out of control for me because I started work only two days after our arrival. Fortunately, my lovely wife has kept you informed about our travels and the beginnings of our life in the wild, wild west.

But here is my perspective in an easy numbered format.

1.  The trip out was long but exciting. I loved driving through states that I have never visited. Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, Kansas. They were all beautiful in their own way, though, admittedly, some more so than others. It would have been awesome if we could have taken our time and actually spent time in some of the great cities we drove through, but we had to stay on schedule to make it to Colorado in time for my first day at work.

2.  Finally arriving in Denver was amazing. It was incredible leaving the Eastern Plain part of the Colorado to enter the Front Range region because the view changed from flat plains for as far as the eye can see to gorgeous mountains off in the distance. Just as an FYI, Colorado is broadly divided into three regions: the Eastern Plain (very rural area where farmers live), the Front Range (the area that contains the three biggest cities in CO: Denver, Ft. Collins, and Colorado Springs, all of which line the Rockies), and the Western Slope (rural, mountainous area that can be tough to get to from Denver in the winter because of all the snow).

3.  Getting settled into our Denver apartment wasn’t quite as smooth as I’d hoped. Our furniture and boxes didn’t arrive until a few days after we did so we were left sleeping on an air mattress for several nights. Once the boxes finally arrived, our place was a huge mess as we (more Addison than me, though) tried to unpack 1200 square feet worth of stuff into 640 square feet worth of space.

4.  Now that we’re all settled in, our apartment really feels like home. It’s small and cozy, especially compared to our 3-bedroom house, but we don’t need a lot of space. Addison did a wonderful job decorating and making the place look nice so it doesn’t feel like we’ve given anything up in moving from our old house to our new apartment. Plus, there are some really great things about our apartment. I love our stained concrete floors, our huge shower / bath tub, and very close underground parking. I also really love our “walk out.”  What I mean by “walk out” is that we have a door in our apartment that leads outside. Because we have it, we can enter and exit our apartment without having to walk through the halls of our complex. This makes our place feel a lot less like an apartment and a lot more like a cozy little house.

5.  Our apartment is in City Park South, a very cool neighborhood of Denver. We’re close to downtown (where the Rockies play and a lot of other exciting things happen like concerts and events), and we’re also very close to Capitol Hill and Uptown, the gay neighborhoods with all the bars we like to frequent. Perhaps the best part is our proximity to City Park; it’s the biggest and, arguably, the best park in Denver. We love walking around its pond and letting Izzie run and play. According to an article I read recently, City Park South is the new “it” neighborhood—with a lot of growing diversity because it’s close to the park and to great restaurants and shops.

6.  As many of you know, my job offer to work at One Colorado, a statewide LGBT political advocacy organization, was one of our primary reasons for moving. And I’m so very happy to say that I absolutely LOVE my job. For years, I said that working at a LGBT organization was what I wanted to do, and I was right. I am so passionate and energized about my work. I get up in the morning and am excited about getting to work. And I don’t even mind the work I have to do sometimes on the weekends and in the evenings.

7.  At my job, in just a month and a half at my job, I have written an op-ed on anti-LGBT bullying in schools; organized a campaign to gather over 1,500 signatures on a petition calling on a US Senate candidate to retract the awful stuff he said about gay people; and planned the roll-out, strategy, and messaging of a political campaign that we’ll launch in January. This is the work I’d been dreaming about doing for years. I’m involved in work that will make a difference in mine and Addison’s lives and in the lives of all LGBT Coloradans. It’s incredibly important, and I feel so lucky to be doing it.

8.  Addison and I are making a lot of great friends here in Denver because we’re so involved in the community. My job requires that we attend a variety of events, and recently, we’ve attended a meet and greet with a Democratic US Senate candidate, a “Transgender 101″ meeting, and a number of political rallies and gatherings. If we were home-bodies in Columbia, we are far from it here in Denver. And we’re loving it. Being out and about is helping us meet people and get plugged into wonderful Denver. We already have as many friends here as we had in Columbia!

9.  If you read our blog regularly, you know that we recently took a little road trip to Boulder (a great, bohemian town) and to the Rocky Mountains National Park, and it was incredible, amazing, sensational. Seriously, the Rocky Mountains are gorgeous. I can’t wait to go back and hike, ski, and just explore. When people talk about Colorado being beautiful, this is what they’re talking about—the Rockies. It’s spectacular.

10.  Addison and I are so happy here in Denver.  But the hardest thing about living in Colorado is being far from family. We really miss our parents, our siblings, and our nephews, and it’s tough to not be able to see them. It’s going to get even harder because we won’t be able to travel to South Carolina for Thanksgiving or Christmas because Addison can’t get any time off from her new job. The holidays are going to be pretty tough and lonely, but we’re hoping to make some fun plans (like snow skiing on Christmas) for staying around here to distract us. We’ll see…

-Jess

You’re going to think we’re crazy. And we won’t disagree.

You’re going to think we’re really dumb. And we won’t blame you.

You’re going to think we’re seriously the two most confused and most confusing people you’ve ever known. And we’ll admit we probably are.

We’re moving. Again.

I know what you’re thinking. Didn’t you guys just move to Asheville? And didn’t you just come back to Columbia after moving to Asheville and tell us all that you’re sticking around?

Yes. Yes, we did.

But, yes, we’re moving again.

Do you think we’re nuts? So do we.

But we’re moving anyway. And this time we’re going big.

We’re moving to Denver, Colorado.

Take a moment. Let the news sink in. Shake your head, scream if you want. Wonder why we’re freaking crazy people. Ask yourself why you decided to be a family member / friend / colleague / acquaintance of two absolutely idiotic lesbians like us. Consider if it’s worth all this stress and aggravation. It probably isn’t.

Now, let me explain as best as I can. Addison and I were not looking to leave. Back when we moved to Asheville, we wanted to move. In fact, we wanted to move to Asheville. We liked the mountains and the community, and we thought we’d like living there so I looked for a job there. We wanted to move; we found a way to do it; we did it; nothing worked out; we came home.

Today’s story is a little different. The wife and I weren’t really looking to move; I mean, we hadn’t committed to living in Columbia for forever and ever, but we had just returned from Asheville and were ready to take things easy, at least for a little while. Addison was loving life as a teller at Wachovia; I was working for myself as a freelance consultant, and I had both a long-term contract and several short-term projects. Things were good.

But then they got great. I was offered a job as Online Communications Manager at One Colorado in Denver.

This opportunity came a bit out of the blue; I was talking with the organization about a short-term freelance contract, and then things moved to the next level. And, my friends, let me tell you, this is my dream job. One Colorado is Colorado’s gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (GLBT) equal rights organization; they work day in and day out to advance equality for GLBT individuals and couples in the state. And now I’m a part of the team.

If you’re an avid reader of this blog, you probably remember that I have interviewed with a GLBT organization before. That opportunity didn’t go my way. But this one did. Finally. After almost two years of wishing, wanting, and hoping, I have landed a job at a GLBT organization. I am now a career activist. My work will make a difference.

I am so incredibly excited.

I’m also really terrified. We’re moving far away from the city we know. We’re moving far away from our family and friends. We’re moving again…so soon after the epic fail that was “the Asheville plan.”

But we can’t let fear control our dreams. Working at a GLBT organization is my dream, and if I don’t go for it, I’ll regret it forever. No matter how scared we are about missing all that we’re leaving behind, we must move forward.

So we’re plowing ahead into a world of not-yet-figured-out details. All we know is that I will have a job and that we will be living in Denver. The rest remains to be figured out. Where will Addison work—can she just transfer to another branch within Wachovia / Wells Fargo, or will she have to launch another job search? What will we do with our house in Columbia? What kind of apartment will we get in Denver? Do we need two cars or one in a city like Denver? How do we sell all the furniture that we really don’t need?

Big questions, big stress, big excitement.

Everyone we talk to seems to express a mixture of sadness and excitement. They’re sad we’re leaving but happy for us and our new adventure. And the one thing everyone seems to say: “You’re really going to love Denver.”

We think so. We hope so.

Stay tuned to this blog as we work out the details of our move, pack our shit and haul it across the country, and start a new life in the wild, wild west.

-Jess

After just a few months, we’ve decided to take our house off the market and stay in Columbia—not necessarily forever but at least for the next couple of years. There are two primary reasons behind our decision:

1. It makes financial sense to stay in our house and try to build equity. After reviewing comps, it became clear that our house was over-priced for the current state of the market. But we hadn’t built up enough equity to budge on the price (we were just breaking even as is). So we could either leave the house on the market and hope we’d get a decent offer and break even (in this market, as if), or we could pull the house off the market and continue building some equity so that when we finally do sell, we can actually make some money.

2. “A place doesn’t make you happy; you make yourself happy.” This is something Addison said to me during our many discussions about moving away from Columbia to some soon-to-be-found wonderland. Eventually, it hit home. Our happiness isn’t dependent on where we are; it’s dependent upon who we are. And, let’s face it, I have a lot of reasons to be happy. I have a wife that I’m totally crazy about; it’s the joy of my life to spend time with her. I have a great family (and a new nephew to be born in March 2010) who I enjoy spending time with and who I get to see often because they’re close by. I have a nice house, and although it isn’t in the best neighborhood, it is cute and comfortable and close to all the places I like to go (plus, we’ve done lots to make it safer). I have a job where I feel appreciated. I have volunteer work with SC Equality that brings me tremendous fulfillment. I have so many reasons to be happy, and I’ve decided that I’m going to claim my happiness instead of waiting for it to arrive with my arrival at some probably nonexistent wonderland.

Columbia certainly isn’t perfect. It offers little to no legal protections for Addison and me, and it is home to lots of homophobic people who stare at me and act like I’m an alien. But I’ve cultivated a little life here—a house, a family, a small group of friends, a job, a purpose. And, for now, that little life is a happy, fulfilling one. As long as it stays that way, I think we’re good where we are.

-Jess

I didn’t get the job in Boston. I got down to the final two, and they went with the other person. They didn’t really give me a reason why. Basically, they just said, “It didn’t go your way.”

It was a tough blow. I really wanted the job. I really want to be a career activist, and this was my shot. I was so close, and I lost it. Plus, Addison and I were really looking forward to leaving Columbia and heading to Massachusetts where there’s full equality for GLBT folks.

But…I’m trying to stay positive in the midst of my pain. There are some good things about not getting the job.

I get to keep working with SC Equality, an organization that really needs me (and all committed volunteers).

I get to stay close to my family and friends for a little bit longer.

I don’t have to carry a mortgage to a new place. We can just keep our house on the market and hope it sells.

So I’m going to focus on the positives to try to get through my disappointment. I can count on the power of positive thinking—and beer. Beer is good.

-Jess

Addison and I have just returned from another week of vacation. I know, you’d think we have tons of money since we’ve recently traveled to California and Atlanta, and we’ve just returned from another trip. But that’s not the case. We don’t have money. We have credit cards.

Anyway, the wife and I took a week off to drive Anne (Addison’s mother) up to New York City. You see, after spending the summer in famously hot Columbia, Anne is starting her last year of seminary in NYC, and she had accumulated so much cra…I mean, stuff…while staying down South that she really need an SUV (or two) to help her get it all back up north. Addison and I being the helpful people that we are volunteered to drive her and her stuff all the way up to Manhattan. So we took a week off, and we went.

The trip started out with a bang. We left early Saturday morning, and we were cruising through North Carolina when my Explorer warned us that there was a problem with the “charging system” (read alternator / battery / something necessary). We got on the phone with a family friend who works on Fords, and he encouraged us to get some help. So we found a dealer, and $600 (and three hours) later, we were back on the road.

Our travel day was very rainy, and the traffic was fucking horrible so we didn’t make it all the way to NYC on Saturday. We stopped in Virginia just outside of DC, stayed the night, and finished the trip on Sunday morning.

Sunday evening was one of the highlights of the trip. Addison and I went to see Next to Normal, a Broadway musical about an American family that is incredibly beautiful, emotional, and full of amazingly talented actors and singers. I can’t say enough good things about it. It made me feel every emotion under the sun. It moved me. 

On Monday, we were off to Boston, and at the risk of losing my job because my bosses read this, I’ll tell you that I went for a job interview. I interviewed for a Director of Marketing job with the Family Equality Council, a national GLBT organization that focuses on family issues. This job would be a dream come true because ever since I started volunteering with SC Equality, I have become incredibly passionate about working with a GLBT organization and fighting for GLBT rights. I believe activism is my life’s calling, and getting this job would be me answering the call. Of course, it’s early in the process so who knows what will happen…

Addison and I had a great time while in Boston. It’s an awesome city. Really historic. Really pretty (beautiful harbor area, just amazing). Really good, simple public transportation. And full equality. There’s just something about full equality that feels good. And trolleys. We took a trolley tour and loved it. After spending a night there (and yes, we know that isn’t much), we think we could live there. It would be tough to be far from family, but it’s a great city.

We returned to NYC after our brief stint in Boston, and on Wednesday, we headed to Montclair (the city in New Jersey that I lived in for 14 months). God, it was great to be back. Montclair is an adorable little town with great restaurants. We had awesome Indian food (man, I’ve missed it) and ate at a couple of “old favorites.” But being in Montclair wasn’t the best part (though I certainly enjoyed showing Addison my old “stomping ground). Seeing my friend Elissa was the best part. Elissa was my best friend in NJ and one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had. We were both TAs in our grad programs, and we ended up spending lots of time together. We bonded instantly, and she’s truly one of my favorite people in the world. I was SO very happy to see her and to have Addison meet her. We had a great time together catching up. I just wish I could see her more!

Our remaining days in NYC (Thursday and Friday) were simple. We hung out a lot with Anne, helping her get her new apartment set up and visiting the church where she works. We went to a design museum (can’t remember the name right now), ate yummy food, rode the Staten Island ferry, met up with some of Addison’s old friends (one of which took us to a couple of gay bars), walked through (and got lost in) Central Park, and basically just hung out around Chelsea and Manhattan.

Both Addison and I have taken many trips to NYC so we’ve done the “touristy” stuff; thus, instead of jumping from attraction to attraction, we tried to soak up NYC life because, of course, we were evaluating it as a possible “place for us.” But, like Atlanta, NYC didn’t feel right, especially after having experienced lovely Boston which did feel like a place we could call home. Manhattan is just  too overwhelming and way too busy for me. I’m not a fast-paced girl, and although the diversity and vibrancy of the city is appealing, the speed stresses me out. So to get me to NYC, you’d have to put me in Brooklyn or the Jersey suburbs because Manhattan makes my head spin. But I’d much prefer San Francisco or Boston…or…probably lots of other places.

Now we’re back in Columbia. In our house that we hate not because it isn’t cute but because it is in a neighborhood where houses get broken into and because it is in Columbia where we just don’t feel like we belong. Here we are, wishing we were somewhere else.

-Jess