Addison & Jace ::: en route

“I’m moving to Canada.” It’s a common sentiment uttered by progressives (also known as liberals / liberal Democrats and left wingers) following the election of a right-wing candidate or the stripping of people’s rights. But few actually move their families to the Great White North. In part because it’s not as easy as packing up the car and driving across the border; it requires time and money. And in part because I think that we all want to believe that the country, our country, will get better. That it will become what we want it to be, one day, if we just keep working at it.

Lately, I’m starting to question whether or not I can continue to believe that anymore. I’m starting to question if we progressives can really turn this thing around. I’m starting to question if my blind hope in my fellow Americans is ill-conceived.

I know I’m making bold statements here. I know that many folks will consider me a kind of traitor, will call my concern about the US an act of treason. But while I want to support my country and to be a proud American, I’m just not sure I can do that in good conscience. Let’s take a look at the facts, shall we?

DISCLAIMER: I am a progressive through and through, and I believe certain things about how a government and country should function. Naturally, if you disagree with me philosophically, you will likely dislike Canada as much as I dislike the USA, and I think that’s okay and that we can still be friends.

Fact #1:  Marriage Equality
In the USA, after decades of fighting, six states and Washington, DC have given same-sex couples like Addison and me the freedom to marry. In six states, I can stand up with the woman I love, declare my commitment to her, and be given the protections, responsibilities, and rights of marriage. On the other hand, 29 states have written in their state Constitution that Addison and I can’t marry. Twelve additional states prohibit my marriage to Addison by state law. The federal government doesn’t recognize mine and Addison’s relationship, no matter where we live, even if we live in one of the six states that allows us to marry.

Looking at the numbers, you can see the disheartening picture being painted. Over the past decade, our movement has made incredible strides. But we’re facing obstacles and barriers at every turn. And while we fight, couples like Addison and me are being torn apart by the discriminatory laws of our country.

But in Canada, the federal government and all provinces have legalized marriage between couples like Addison and me. Anywhere in the Great White North, we can take care of one another; we can make decisions for each other in the hospital, we can file taxes together, we can raise a family together. We are granted the same protections and responsibilities that are given to straight couples. And it’s been this way since 2005 — one year before dozens of US states amended their Constitutions to exclude couples like Addison and me from marriage.

In Canada, the picture is very different. Same-sex couples aren’t treated as second-class citizens. The government recognizes these couples equally — and it’s the kind of recognition that doesn’t just make families stronger; it makes communities stronger.

Fact #2:  Healthcare
In the USA, our healthcare system is broken. We pay thousands of dollars to get health insurance that doesn’t cover the care we need so we get into deep debt following a medical emergency or procedure. We get insurance through our employer so that, when we lose our job, we lose our coverage. And given that personal insurance is outrageously expensive and that insurance companies can turn you away for any reason at all, an unemployed person often can’t afford or can’t get approved for coverage.

President Obama’s Affordable Care Act will help to fill some of the gaps in our broken system. But it doesn’t do enough. Why? Because provision after provision was stripped from the bill so that it could, after years of struggle, be passed and approved by Congress. And now, the Republican candidates for President in 2012 are pledging to undo the progress that was made, before the law has even been fully implemented. And polls show that, despite all the good it does, Americans generally don’t support the Affordable Care Act. Rather than supporting a measure that helps to close the gaps in our system, my fellow Americans (the people I’m supposed to have so much faith in) would rather stick with the old way — where millions of people are uninsured and millions of others just can’t get what they need.

In Canada, healthcare is the government’s responsibility — a drastically different approach to providing people care. In the USA, we put the responsibility of healthcare onto private insurance companies, employers, and people. In Canada, as in many European countries, the government provides every resident of Canada with access to care, whether they’re employed or not, whether they’re in good health or not. 

The care that’s provided by the Canadian government even includes the full range of women’s healthcare (yes, including abortion). In states across America, we’re trying to strip away women’s reproductive rights, but in Canada, the government directly ensures that all women have access to whatever care they need.

Fact #3:  Taxes
I once heard it said that, when the USA speaks of itself, it says “I,” but when Canada speaks, it says “we.” To me, this sentiment says it all. In Canada, people care about the community, and they are willing to do their part to fund the common good. In the USA, people care about having lower taxes so that they can achieve the American dream of prosperity.

For example, the federal healthcare system I mentioned above is paid for by Canadians through taxes. The people of Canada commit to supporting public health and pay taxes that some Americans might consider a bit too high (though, in my opinion, the difference doesn’t seem that significant) to ensure that every person has access to care.

Another example is maternity leave and parental benefits. In Canada, a mother is given paid maternity leave for 15 weeks, and then she and her partner have access to parental benefits that allow one parent to stay home and care for a child for up to a year. Again, it’s a difference governmental philosophy: Canadians believe that it is the government’s responsibility to support new families.

Where do American tax dollars go? Are we funding the common good? Are we taking care of people? Are we providing support to new families? I’m no expert, but I don’t think so. In the USA, a significant portion of our taxes go to fund the expansion of our ever-growing military. But the dollars aren’t providing mental health services to veterans or additional benefits for military families. They’re equipping us to fight more wars, to launch more attacks on those we don’t like. We’re not taking care of the service members and their families who have given so much; in these tough budget times, we’ve actually been taking benefits away from folks who have made incredible sacrifices.

I don’t know about you, but I think I’d feel a lot better about paying taxes if I knew that my dollars were taking care of people and making my community a better place for all of us. I wish I believed that’s what my US tax dollars are doing, but I don’t think that’s the case.

These three reasons are really only the beginning of this discussion. The differences between Canada and the USA are vast, and I’ve simply pulled out three of the issues that are most important to me personally. But the list could go on and on.

The more I learn about Canada, the more sad I am to be living here in the USA, a country that thinks of itself as the greatest nation in the world. Canada makes no such claim of greatness, but I’m starting to believe that it’s a place that’s far more in line with my values — a measure of greatness for me, at the very least.

Am I moving to the Great White North tomorrow? No. Might I think about it in the coming years as I consider where I want to raise a family? Maybe. Until then, I’ll keep working to make the USA a place that aligns with my values, even if at times, the fight feels hopeless.

-Jess

I wish I was posting some awesome photos from our wedding or more great shots from our honeymoon with this post, but I’m not. Instead, I have to post this disgusting letter sent from SC Senator Jim DeMint to religious leaders throughout the state. Here it is:

Subject:  Hate Crime Legislation Must Be Stopped!

Dear Pastors and Religious Leaders:

The long debate over the “separation of church and state” has convinced many religious leaders that their opinions are not welcome in political debates.  Many pastors hesitate to explain that government policies have helped cause the decline of America’s culture, morality and spirituality.  Many people of faith have given up their freedom of speech and the freedom to practice their religious principles in all areas of their lives.

I am writing to you today to remind you that religious principles and biblical teachers produced the values and policies that made America exceptional, prosperous, and good.

In recent decades, Congress and the courts have adopted policies that have proved destructive to faith, families, and freedom in America, but no one action has been as damaging as the “hate crime” legislation will be.  This hate crime legislation will replace “equal justice under law” with arbitrary justice based on the race, religion, or sexual orientation of criminals and their victims.  More importantly, it will lead to the criminalization of biblical truth as “hate speech.”

Under this legislation, a pastor who teaches that homosexuality is wrong could be accused of a hate crime or charged with “inducing” a violent crime against a gay person.

Please tell your congregation this legislation is not about “hate” (all violent crimes are hateful); it is about taking away your freedom to speak and preach biblical truth.  It will take away your right to say that some things are wrong.  We need millions of Americans to call and email their Senators, especially Democrat Senators who are pushing this legislation.  Majority Leader Harry Reid has promised to pass this legislation in the next few weeks (the House already has).

To learn more about the “hate crimes” legislation, refer to Family Research Council’s reference page on the topic, www.frc.org. And to find out the email addresses and phone numbers of your Senators, link to www.senate.gov, or call the Capitol operator at 202-224-3121.  Please act this week.

Sincerely,
Jim DeMint
U.S. Senator

I am so appalled and angered by this letter that I can barely see straight. This man is lying. Plain out lying to people. And in doing so, he’s destroying the memory of so many gay kids who were beaten to death because of their sexual orientation.

Here are some excerpts from an email written by SC Equality Board President, Dr. Ed Madden, and sent out to the SC Equality mailing list. It explains exactly what DeMint is lying about and why his words are so damn offensive.

DeMint says the law will “criminalize biblical truth as ‘hate speech,’” that pastors will be prosecuted for hate speech, and that the law takes away freedom of speech.  He says the law will “take away your right to say some things are wrong.”  THIS IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE.  NO PASTOR WILL BE ARRESTED FOR TEACHING THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS WRONG.  The law includes language that explicitly prevents this, guaranteeing that it cannot be used to inhibit freedom of speech.  DeMint’s claims are wrong, and only perpetuate lies currently used by the anti-gay right.

DeMint further assumes religious leaders condemn homosexuality and oppose hate crimes legislation.  THIS IS NOT TRUE.  We know that many faith leaders support gay and lesbian civil rights and support hate crimes legislation.

DeMint claims that homophobic “religious principles and biblical teaching” are responsible for America’s goodness and prosperity.  He implies that legislation protecting gay and lesbian people and our families will contribute to the decline of our country.  THIS IS OFFENSIVE.  We know that America’s success is based on beliefs in freedom, democracy, separation of church and state, and fundamental human rights, not on religious teachings or the suppression of gay and lesbian people.

At the end, DeMint cites the Family Research Council as an important source of information on hate crimes.  THIS IS MISLEADING.  The Family Research Council is a prominent anti-gay organization that supports “the traditional family unit” and most recently opposed President Obama’s extension of federal benefits to same-sex couples.  Indeed, the FRC is one of the organizations sponsoring a “Values Voter Summit” in Washington in September that will focus on “protecting marriage” and will include such speakers as Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, and Laura Ingraham. For a useful resource on hate crimes legislation and what it will and will not do, please visitMatthewShepard.org.

I’m tired of this kind of bullshit in this state and in this country. Why can’t we, for once, protect gays and lesbians? Through DOMA and DADT, we’ve taken all their rights away. Can’t we at least protect them from hate crimes?

-Jess

I’ve been a little bummed out lately. You see, last week I was meeting with some wonderful folks from the South Carolina Equality Coalition (SC’s statewide organization devoted to advancing civil rights for the GLBT community) about joining their Board of Directors. During this brief meeting (where I had a delicious salad from California Dreaming—yummy), I was informed that the SC Republicans will most likely attempt to pass an anti-gay adoption bill in the state. This bill (which probably wouldn’t pass until 2010) would prohibit any unmarried couple from adopting a child in SC. Not surprisingly, it has quite a bit of support in the conservative state of South Carolina.

Currently, gays and lesbians cannot file jointly to adopt a child in SC. There is no law officially prohibiting it; the state just doesn’t allow it. Gays and lesbians can file as single individuals in order to adopt, but this typically requires the adopter to deny being GLBT. This new anti-gay adoption law would prohibit any single person—GLBT or straight—from adopting. Basically, the law asserts that only a married man and woman are equipped to raise a child. Not even a straight, single, successful 40-year-old career woman could adopt—much less a lesbian couple.

A law like this would be a tremendous blow to Addison and me. We want to start a family in a few years, and under a law like the one detailed in the anti-gay adoption bill, I would not be able to pursue second-parent adoption if Addison had our children, and she and I would not be able to adopt together as a couple. Effectively, we would have no way to have equal legal custody of our children. This is incredibly frustrating. We’re watching some states move forward, and it’s amazing. Vermont and Iowa have just allowed for gay marriages to be performed in their states, and it’s an exciting, wonderful time. But it feels like South Carolina is moving backward. We’re headed toward the passing of a law that would take away even more rights from the GLBT community. We’re headed in the wrong direction.

The South Carolina Equality Coalition (SCEC) is working hard, and they’ve had some significant successes. But it won’t be easy to fight the anti-gay adoption bill. Florida has had one for years. Arkansas passed theirs in November 2008. What can we do to stop one from passing here? I’m not sure what exactly, but I can’t sit around and watch anymore. I have to join the fight. I am officially beginning the process to join the Board of SC Equality. I can’t sit back any longer while the GLBT community is beaten down. I must fight back.

I don’t know what Addison and I will do if we lose the fight against this anti-gay adoption bill. I have to be honest and admit that she and I will have to seriously consider whether SC is where we want to start our family. With no relationship recognition and no adoption rights, it’s almost impossible to see how SC could be right for us. But we won’t make these tough decisions just yet. The fight has barely begun, and I am excited to be joining the ranks of the passionate people at SCEC committed to making a difference for our community.

-Jess