Addison & Jace ::: en route

1.) Our new Honda Civic!  After 16 months of living in Denver with only one car, Jess and I finally decided to bite the bullet and go for a second vehicle.  Jess’ mom hooked us up with a small loan at a great rate and we were able to get a great deal on a gently used 2002 Civic with less than 100,000 miles.  It only has 2 doors, but it’s super clean, and super cute!  Besides, we have the Subaru when we want to haul around lots of people, or stuff.  And it gets 10 MPG better than the Suby in city and on the highway, so I’m looking forward to getting tags on it, and getting my commute on!  

2.) Facebook.  This might sound like an odd one, but I really like being able to keep up with everyone back home, especially my family.  Jess and I are fortunate enough to talk with our immediate family pretty regularly, but FB has helped me stay on top of my extended family and friends.  (Congrats on the engagement, Blayde!)  I feel like I know some people better now that I can see what they do on a regular basis, and that’s pretty cool.  Plus it will give us something to talk about the next time I’m in town.  

3.) Friends.  When we moved to Colorado we knew it would be tough not having our wonderful friends around, and there are still some people in Columbia we miss dearly.  But in Denver we have managed to befriend some really wonderful people who have very different backgrounds from me and Jess.  Knowing these people has helped me think about things in a very new way, which has been wonderful for my personal growth.  Thank you, Denver friends!  You’re the best a girl could ask for!  : )

4.) Brunch!  Brunch has quickly and easily become my favorite meal here in Denver.  I didn’t really used to get down with this hybrid meal, and frankly I don’t really love breakfast, but brunch has become a staple of our weekend ritual.  On Sunday mornings, we call it “gay church,” because it’s usually our LGBT peeps that accompany us on this outing.  There’s one restaurant in particular that always seems to have friends there on Sunday mornings.  But there are so many good places to eat brunch here!  It almost seems that brunch is a bigger happening than a Friday or Saturday night dinner.  Actually, we’re trying a new brunch place with our friends, Shanna and LP, today!  

5.) My girls.  Jess and Izzie are the highlights of my day, everyday.  Jess is so smart, passionate, and damn good at her job.  She cares so much and works so hard.  And it’s important work.  Really, really important work.  She’s working so the future she and I imagine with such precise detail can become a reality.  She’s fighting for our relationship, our life, every day, and I’m so incredibly grateful for that.  And she loves me fiercely.  I know that she does, and for that I am even more grateful.  Izzie, too!  She gets so excited when we come home from work, and it’s nice to know that there are too “people” who love me no matter what.  I love my little family!  

Today, 150 Coloradans joined me in the Old Supreme Court Chambers at the Colorado State Capitol. We were all there for the same reason—to participate in the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing where SB-172, the Colorado Civil Union Act, was being heard.

SB-172 provides critical legal protections to committed gay and lesbian couples in Colorado. Protections like the ability to visit a partner in the hospital, to make medical and end-of-life decisions for a partner, and to inherit a partner’s property. Responsibilities like the right to adopt a partner’s child, to insure a partner, and to take family leave to care for a partner. Protections and responsibilities that straight married couples take for granted and that many of my family and friends assume that Addison and I already have. My friends are shocked when I tell them that if I were in an accident, my parents, not Addison, would be called to make medical decisions for me. In fact, there is no guarantee that Addison could even be by my bedside. Civil unions in Colorado would change that. 

Today was my first Colorado committee hearing, and it was a big one. Nine committee members — 6 women, 3 men (I believe Colorado has more women legislators than any other state, or close to it) — sat behind what used to be the Supreme Court bench. From left to right, Senator Scheffel, Senator King, Senator Nicholson, Senator Newell, Senator Carroll (the chairwoman), Senator Guzman, Senator Roberts, Senator Giron, and Senator Lundberg. They all sat before me looking powerful and poised. 

Testimony began with Senator Steadman, the bill’s sponsor, who introduced the bill. He was asked several questions from Senator Lundberg who made it clear from the get-go that he was against the bill because he believed civil unions to be an affront to marriage. Of course, Senator Steadman was well-spoken and brilliant. It’s an honor to have him (and three other openly LGBT legislators) representing not just the people of his district but the LGBT community in Colorado.

Bill supporters were allowed to testify first, and we took two full hours to make our case. We heard from organizations supporting the bill and everyday, real people. Committed couples whose lives would be impacted in a tremendous way if civil unions passes. Parents with gay children and grandchildren. Faith leaders who believe that family is best defined by love and commitment, not the gender of two loving people. I felt amazingly uplifted as person after person stood up and voiced their support. There were speakers who brought tears to my eyes and to the eyes of the poised, powerful committee members before me.

But my day at the Capitol wasn’t all good. As our political process allows, people opposed to the bill were allowed to speak as well. One by one, I heard my fellow Coloradans say horrible things about me. I heard them call my love for Addison unnatural. I heard them quote the Bible, using it as a weapon to deny me the opportunity to be at Addison’s bedside in the hospital, to make medical decisions for her, to be responsible for her. I listened as they called me immoral and wrong for loving someone as wonderful as Addison. I listened as they claimed that Addison and I shouldn’t be allowed to raise children.

It was heartbreaking. The room filled with hate — a sharp change from the beginning of the hearing, which was overwhelming with proclamations of love and commitment. 

I kept thinking that the people who were calling my committed, loving relationship unnatural, wrong, and unfit to raise children could be changed. I kept thinking that, if they just got to know Addison and me, they’d change their minds. If they saw how much we love and care for each other, if they knew our hopes, dreams, and plans for the future, they’d change. 

But I don’t think they would. 

And that’s what’s so devastating. That no matter what, these people will always be spewing their hate. 

Fortunately, my day didn’t end on this sad note. After opposition testimony, members of the committee spoke, and their words were uplifting, rejuvenating, and inspiring. Even though you know all the things that the opposition says aren’t true, they still hurt. They tear you apart. But Senators Newell, Nicholson, Guzman, Roberts, Giron, and Carroll put us all back together. I am so thankful for their commitment to ending discrimination and ushering in a more equal Colorado. 

An equal Colorado where Addison and I are treated with the same fairness and respect as all committed couples.

-Jess

On Sunday, May 30, Addison and I will celebrate our one year wedding anniversary. One year. Un anno. Ein Jahr. один год.

Wow. It’s totally surreal. I can’t believe we’ve been married that long. The memories of our times together–starting when we were just stupid high school kids and lasting until now–are so fresh in my mind that it seems crazy to think that we’ve been married for one year, together for almost three, and connected in some way for over ten.

In the spirit of our anniversary, I want to share some memories of myself and my bride from over the years. So, stay tuned in to the blog posts to come. They’re going to be…well, let’s just say interesting (and by interesting, I mean that at some point I’m almost guaranteed to say something that will give Addison cause to slap me). I hope that, in reading them, you’ll laugh at us at least once for our silliness and smile at us at least once for our love.

-Jess

Not long ago, a friend asked me, “How are you and Addison doing? How’s married life?” I took a moment to think about it because I didn’t want to just give some canned answer like “We’re good.” An important question about my life deserved more than that. So I really thought.

Then answered:  ”Quite frankly, we’re amazing. I just feel incredibly whole with her. Like I’ve found a true partner. I can’t tell you how perfect it feels to be with her. What’s that cheesy movie that says ‘you complete me?’ Well, that’s her. She completes me.”

My friend commented back nicely—a kind of “That’s great” response—but I found myself going on and on. I couldn’t stop.

“I am so at peace with Addison. We don’t fight often. And when we do, we make up quickly, realizing that it just isn’t worth it to keep arguing. We talk about everything; I think it drives people crazy. But really, I tell her everything.” That’s true. Addison and I share everything, from the mundane to the thrilling. And it really does annoy people.

I went on (my friend surely annoyed):  ”It’s strange; we’re about to celebrate our first married anniversary and the third anniversary of us falling in love, and I can’t really remember a time when we were on shaky ground. It’s like as soon as we got together, I knew we’d stay that way. I’ve never felt that kind of security or stability before.”

Again, all true. All wonderfully true.

We’ve been through tough times, for sure. Money crises, unemployment, confusion about life in general, fights with our parents, etc. And yet I haven’t doubted that she loves me, that I love her, that we are meant to be together.

Most days, we find ourselves actually saying “we’re meant to be together” because we finish each other’s sentences and say the exact same thing at the exact same time. It’s sickening to outsiders. I can imagine my sister gagging while reading this; I am hearing Addison’s mom say, “Oh, gross” in my head.

But that’s how we are. And to me, it means I have at least made one right decision in my life. My past (and present really) is littered with bad decisions. But Addison—she’s the best decision I’ve ever made.

-Jess