Sadness
I’ve been working and packing for most of the day today, and I’ve had Friends on in the background. It’s one of my all-time favorite shows, and it’s often watched in my household. It provides a reassuring kind of background noise. I suppose, though, that now is not a good time to watch season 10. Season 10 always makes me sad because season 10 is the end. The end of an era, as Monica says when she and Rachel stop living together. At the end of season 10, Monica and Chandler move out of the city and into the suburbs, away from their friends. Not far. But still away. And it’s sad. We no longer get to be with these characters, and although the last episode tries to leave you with a sense that things will stay the same between the six, you know it won’t. Things change. People change. Life changes. It’s a sad reality. That’s where I am today–in a sad reality. I am so excited about my new job. I am so excited about Denver. I am so excited about this adventure with my incredible wife. But I’m also really sad. I am leaving my family. In fact, yesterday I told my mother goodbye. She’s traveling to New York next week to spend some time with her mother so she was my first goodbye. I can’t tell you how hard it is to think about my mother being so far away from me. I love her so much. She and my dad still take care of me way too much. I suppose I need to grow up, and moving to Denver will make me. But, god, will I miss my mom. And my dad too. They’re amazing people. And I’m leaving them in South Carolina while I head to the wild wild west. It isn’t just my parents, either. It’s my sister, my brother-in-law, and my nephews. I can’t believe they won’t be 30 minutes away. I can’t believe I won’t babysit for the boys or have dinner with Allyson and Matt. Having them so close has been a treasure, and it’s one I’m losing. Saturday is South Carolina Pride, and Addison and I will attend the march together. We will join with our friends and walk the streets of Columbia as proud lesbians. Although I know we’ll meet new people and make new friends in Denver, it’s so hard to think about leaving the ones we have. In the past year, we’ve grown so close to so many people, and it is those people that make Columbia what it is. I’m thinking of Rachel saying goodbye to everyone on Friends when she was planning to move to Paris. Addison and I will be saying goodbye. But we won’t be turning back like Rachel. We’ll be moving forward, even though we know it is going to be so difficult. On Saturday, we will be walking with SC Equality, and this will be my last official act as a Board member. I am so thankful for SC Equality and the effect it has had on my life. Without it, I wouldn’t have realized that my true calling is to work in the GLBT movement. Without it, I wouldn’t have met some of my best friends. Without it, I wouldn’t be who I am. It shaped me, and I hope, in some way, I shaped it, too. I promise that I’m excited. That it isn’t all sadness. But the last episode of Friendsjust finished, and I’m wallowing after watching it, as I always do. I’ll rebound, and I’ll find my excitement and my energy again. I’ll remind myself of what Addison and I are gaining. But for a moment, I just want to be sad. Sad for all we are leaving. And I am. -Jess
