Addison & Jace ::: en route

1. Nostalgic. You might have noticed that South Carolina has been consuming the news of late. With the Republican presidential primary tomorrow, every article or story on the radio is from Columbia or Charleston. And each time I hear one, my mind drifts back to all that I loved about my home state. Summer afternoons on the lake with friends. Laughing with my sister until I cried while playing games at my mother’s kitchen table. Walking through the gardens where Addison and I were married with a glass of red wine in my hand. All the good of South Carolina floods my mind, and it makes me miss home. Of course, logically, I know I’m just feeling nostalgic. I know that, right now, South Carolina is not where I’m supposed to be. I’m not sure it ever will be again. But when I look back, I remember all the good it brought to my years — from falling in love with Addison when I was just 17 years old to driving down the interstate surrounded by sun and green trees. And I forget, just for a moment, all the bad things it brought — from a complete stranger yelling at me “You’ll never be a man” to being denied every protection and right I need to take care of my wife. Maybe it’s better to forget the bad and just remember the good. The good of youth, of family, of friends, of sunshine, of lakes and beaches and rivers, of Rita’s Italian Ice and Mr. Friendly’s tater tots. 

2. Energized. The legislative session has started up here in Colorado, and I am once again engaged in a fight that I care very deeply about. For the second year in a row, my colleagues and I at One Colorado are working to advance civil unions legislation. We’re facing an uphill battle, with a Capitol that’s overwhelmed by a negative, partisan vibe, but I am energized by the process. We’re strategizing how to earn Republican support, mobilizing thousands of supporters, and telling our stories to change hearts and minds. It’s invigorating. And if our legislators listen to the 76% of Coloradans who support civil unions and pass the bill, Addison and I will rejoice, for we will have just made Colorado a better, safer place for the family we’re hoping to start.

3. Anxious. As many of you know, Addison and I are going to have to move again in May. Our landlord is selling the apartment that we love and adore. Selling it and forcing us to search, once again, for a place to live in May. I’ve known about our impending move for several months now, and it’s causing me tremendous anxiety. I wish someone had just told me in April that we had to move. That would be better. I would have panicked and worried, but it would have lasted for only a short time. As is, by the time we actually move, I will have worried about moving for seven months. I will have struggled to decide on what area of town to look in for seven months. I will have searched Craigslist for seven months. I could go on…

4. Baby Crazy & Greedy. My biological clock is tick, tick, ticking away, telling me to have a baby now, now, now. I can’t seem to stop it. Even being around crying children doesn’t help. Nope, no matter how good or bad the young one is, they make my ovaries do a little cartwheel. It doesn’t matter that I’m not ready for a baby — not emotionally, financially, or mentally — biology demands a bun in the oven. But I cannot fulfill biology’s needs. Addison has set up some strict parameters for when we can bring forth Little Woodrum, and one of her rules centers on money. We must have a pre-determined (by her, of course) amount of money in the bank before we can even create a plan for Little Woodrum. And so I’m greedy. Very greedy. Want to send me money? I’ll take it; I have no pride. Biology is gathering up every last penny and placing it in a savings account for Little Woodrum. I’ve never been quite so greedy before in my life. But maybe you’ll forgive me for this sin if I just blame it on biology?

-Jess

So I know November is the month of thankfulness, but I always seem to be behind the curve so I’m just going to say what I’m thankful for today, on December 1:

1. Vacation Trip to the Carolinas. Last week, Addison and I spent a delightful week off in the Carolinas. We visited her mom in Asheville, NC; her dad and stepmom in North Augusta, SC; and my family in Easley, SC. It was just wonderful to see everyone and spend time together. From a fabulous trip to Biltmore House to some rousing card playing to a delicious meal of no less than 20 dishes — we were treated to quite a good time. It’s tough to live far away from family and miss everyone all the time — and this visit was so rejuvenating. 

2. Denver. Although seeing family was lovely, being back in the Carolinas, even for just a week, reminded me of why we left. A genderqueer lesbian like me just doesn’t fit in the South. As a result, coming back to Denver has felt really good, really right. After just a year, Denver feels like home to me. It feels like a place that fits us. I’m so incredibly thankful that we’re here.

3. My job. Today, I celebrate two months in my new position: Deputy Director at One Colorado. I started as Online Communications Manager, then became Communications Manager, and now Deputy Director. In just a year, I have been able to learn and accomplish so much, and I’ve been given so many opportunities. After many years of wondering what my path in life really is, I’m so happy that I’ve found work that energizes, challenges, and fulfills me. I’m incredibly lucky.

4. Our friends. It’s tough to be far away from family, but it’s true what they say — sometimes you make your own family. And that’s exactly what we’ve done. With every passing weekend, our calendar fills up as we enjoy dinners and brunches, game playing and events with some of the most incredible people we’ve ever known. We’re so lucky to be surrounded by such awesome folks.

5. Addison. My wife is the most incredible person I know. Everyday, she inspires and supports me. She takes care of me when I’m sick, even though I can be a grumpy bugger. She feeds me and dresses me when I just can’t decide what to wear. She listens to me rant and rave. She makes me laugh, and she surprises me. Addison is truly my other half, and I don’t know what I’d do without her. The work that I do, the battles that I fight for equality, I’m fighting them for her and for the family we hope to have someday.

-Jess

Denver is different.  While Jess and I are really enjoying our new home, there are some things about Denver and Colorado that make me go, “Huh?  What’s going on here?”  I thought I’d share some of our discoveries.  

1.) Denver is dry.  Dry, dry, dry!  I know we’ve been saying that for months, but it doesn’t stop being true!  Dryness is bad for skin, hair, eyeballs (contacts, anyone?).  But it’s great for summer!  Coming from SC, where the humidity is easily 80% or more on a daily basis, the Colorado humidity is amazing!  I have to stifle my giggles when customers come in the bank complaining about 85 degree weather with 30% humidity.  Coloradans aren’t used to it, but to Jess and me, it’s a welcome break from near-jungle conditions.  

2.) Denver is dense.  I’m not talking Manhattan dense, but compared to Columbia, we are having a downright urban experience.  We have neighbors on the other side of our walls in addition to across the street.  We can walk to places that sell things besides white bread and gasoline.  We have to think about where to park our car.  To all you land-owners this might sound dreadful, but we are really enjoying the freedom that comes with no yard work and only one vehicle to maintain.  

3.) Denver is action-packed.  Between the Rockies, Nuggets, Avalanche, and Outlaws, we’ve been to more professional sports games in the past 10 months than in the past 4 years.  Our weekends are jammed with brunches, movies, hikes and casual get-togethers.  And we are loving it!  Don’t get me wrong, we miss everyone we love in SC, but it just seems that we’re getting around more here (and not in a slutty way).  

I’m sure that as we continue to adjust to life in the wild, wild West we’ll find more things that differentiate Colorado from South Carolina.  And I can’t wait to see what’s next.  

I’ve been back in Columbia for just over a week, and I can’t tell you how happy I am to be home. Not just in our house but in Columbia and even in our little neighborhood. I’m downright giddy.

Of course, there’s been a little bit of stress involved with all of this as well. I am unemployed and trying to figure out what to do about that. Fortunately, I have a lot of connections with folks in Columbia, and I have met with many people and discussed various possibilities and opportunities. What I didn’t realize before I left Columbia was that I had made a little name for myself in the advertising / marketing community here. Not a big name. But a little one. People know me, and they’re generally familiar with my skills. So, in most cases, the people I’m calling are interested and willing to meet with me because they think I’m worth their time. That’s a pretty good feeling, if I do say so myself. Of course, good feelings don’t amount to jobs. But I’m hoping they will soon. I have a lot of things cooking, and I hope to have some news to share in the coming weeks.

Unlike me, Addison is working her little butt off. She’s my sugar mama, and I like it. But really, she actually has two jobs. She’s working as a crew leader for the census, supervising 15 of the folks who might be knocking on your door. She doesn’t actually have to go door-to-door, which is a good thing in our area, but she still spends 40 hours a week making sure that the people who do go door to door are doing things right. It’s a big job that keeps her very busy.

Also, thanks to some of our connections and her sparkling personality in interviews, Addison has been hired at Wachovia as a teller. This is super exciting because Addison recently decided that she really wants to give banking a try as a career. As you may know, Addison has a Bachelors degree in Architecture, but after serving as a draftsperson / architecture apprentice for just over two years, she decided that she didn’t have enough passion for the field to go back to school for her Masters and be a full-blown architect. So she left the industry and worked as a receptionist in a physical therapy office while she figured out what she wanted to do next. For about the past six months, she’s been talking and thinking about trying to get into banking. She talked with friends in the industry and discovered that banks really promote from within so she can get a job at the bottom of the ladder (even with a totally unrelated degree like Architecture) and work her way up to management, which is exactly what she’s hoping for. I’m so proud of her and excited for her. I know she’s going to be an awesome teller, and she’ll be climbing the ladder in no time.

So the moral of today’s post is–Addison and I are so very happy. We’re so glad to be home. Addison is so glad to be working. And I’m so glad to be searching for a job in a place where I have a lot of resources and connections.

Last night is a perfect example of why we’re so thrilled to be home. Addison and I joined six of our favorite friends for dinner at a delicious local restaurant (Terra) and for a (lesbian-focused) play at the fabulous Trustus Theatre. It was awesome. Yummy food, great company, and a wonderful performance that was about lesbians and filled with lesbian actors (right here in Columbia). What a night! Nights like this make Columbia home.

I guess that’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned from our recent adventure to Asheville. Home is not a location. Locations are all the same. Home is people. Family and friends and time spent together.

We are so glad to be home.

-Jess

Remember a few months ago when we announced The Asheville Plan? It was well thought out and strategically decided upon. It was foolproof and sure to work out perfectly. Right?

Wrong.

I am the queen of bad decisions, and like all the others before it, this one–the Asheville plan–was a wrong decision. We said “Asheville or bust,” and bust we did indeed.

It was a number of things really. A number of circumstances that compounded to destroy what we thought was a totally smart plan.

First, finding a job in Asheville is difficult, even when you’re as smart and cute as Addison. We had no connections in Asheville–no resources from which to draw. And Asheville’s a small mountain town, not a bustling city full of opportunity. It’s tough to find a job all over the country, but it’s especially tough in small towns that can’t support the existing population, much less newcomers to the area.

Second, selling a house is even more difficult than finding a job, as many of you know. Of course, we knew it too. We knew that our house would be a tough sell, but as soon as we moved out of it (me first, followed by Addison), it got even tougher than expected. Houses all around us came on the market, increasing competition. We got bad news from our real estate agent, followed by bad news from the IRS. In short, our house wasn’t going anywhere fast. And as long as we had our house in Columbia to pay for, we couldn’t afford to pay to live in Asheville.

Third, the core of the Asheville plan, when we formulated it, was that we’d be able to live for practically nothing since we were moving into Addison’s mother’s house. This living arrangement would allow us the time to sell our Columbia house and get on our feet financially in a new place. Unfortunately, this living situation didn’t work. I won’t bore you with the long, gory story, but we lost our free place to stay. This was the biggest wrinkle in our plan. If the other factors were headaches, this was like brain surgery. It took us out.

Fortunately, after all of this happened, things became clear pretty quickly, thanks to some sage advice from my mom and dad and Addison’s dad and stepmom. They all suggested that we return to Columbia–to our house and to a place where we have connections that would help both Addison and me find jobs. Once we heard the advice, we were sold. It didn’t just make financial sense and practical sense, it made emotional sense, too.

Almost as soon as Addison and I left, we missed Columbia. Because it’s home. We certainly didn’t realize it, but it is. While we were looking outward, trying to figure out where we wanted to move to and settle, Columbia snuck up behind us and became home. As soon as we left it, we felt like we had lost something. And we had. We lost being close to my sister, my brother-in-law, and our nephews. We lost our friends. We lost our house (though it isn’t perfect or in the greatest neighborhood, we love it). We lost our sense of belonging. It was an awful lot to lose.

So we have returned. We are now back in Columbia for good.

Of course, I no longer have a job. But that’s okay. My job in Asheville was fine, but it wasn’t a dream come true or anything. It was solid and nice, and I could have done it well. But all the signs were pointing us home. So we followed them, and I think we’re going to be happier than we ever imagined we could be.

-Jess

I wish I was posting some awesome photos from our wedding or more great shots from our honeymoon with this post, but I’m not. Instead, I have to post this disgusting letter sent from SC Senator Jim DeMint to religious leaders throughout the state. Here it is:

Subject:  Hate Crime Legislation Must Be Stopped!

Dear Pastors and Religious Leaders:

The long debate over the “separation of church and state” has convinced many religious leaders that their opinions are not welcome in political debates.  Many pastors hesitate to explain that government policies have helped cause the decline of America’s culture, morality and spirituality.  Many people of faith have given up their freedom of speech and the freedom to practice their religious principles in all areas of their lives.

I am writing to you today to remind you that religious principles and biblical teachers produced the values and policies that made America exceptional, prosperous, and good.

In recent decades, Congress and the courts have adopted policies that have proved destructive to faith, families, and freedom in America, but no one action has been as damaging as the “hate crime” legislation will be.  This hate crime legislation will replace “equal justice under law” with arbitrary justice based on the race, religion, or sexual orientation of criminals and their victims.  More importantly, it will lead to the criminalization of biblical truth as “hate speech.”

Under this legislation, a pastor who teaches that homosexuality is wrong could be accused of a hate crime or charged with “inducing” a violent crime against a gay person.

Please tell your congregation this legislation is not about “hate” (all violent crimes are hateful); it is about taking away your freedom to speak and preach biblical truth.  It will take away your right to say that some things are wrong.  We need millions of Americans to call and email their Senators, especially Democrat Senators who are pushing this legislation.  Majority Leader Harry Reid has promised to pass this legislation in the next few weeks (the House already has).

To learn more about the “hate crimes” legislation, refer to Family Research Council’s reference page on the topic, www.frc.org. And to find out the email addresses and phone numbers of your Senators, link to www.senate.gov, or call the Capitol operator at 202-224-3121.  Please act this week.

Sincerely,
Jim DeMint
U.S. Senator

I am so appalled and angered by this letter that I can barely see straight. This man is lying. Plain out lying to people. And in doing so, he’s destroying the memory of so many gay kids who were beaten to death because of their sexual orientation.

Here are some excerpts from an email written by SC Equality Board President, Dr. Ed Madden, and sent out to the SC Equality mailing list. It explains exactly what DeMint is lying about and why his words are so damn offensive.

DeMint says the law will “criminalize biblical truth as ‘hate speech,’” that pastors will be prosecuted for hate speech, and that the law takes away freedom of speech.  He says the law will “take away your right to say some things are wrong.”  THIS IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE.  NO PASTOR WILL BE ARRESTED FOR TEACHING THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS WRONG.  The law includes language that explicitly prevents this, guaranteeing that it cannot be used to inhibit freedom of speech.  DeMint’s claims are wrong, and only perpetuate lies currently used by the anti-gay right.

DeMint further assumes religious leaders condemn homosexuality and oppose hate crimes legislation.  THIS IS NOT TRUE.  We know that many faith leaders support gay and lesbian civil rights and support hate crimes legislation.

DeMint claims that homophobic “religious principles and biblical teaching” are responsible for America’s goodness and prosperity.  He implies that legislation protecting gay and lesbian people and our families will contribute to the decline of our country.  THIS IS OFFENSIVE.  We know that America’s success is based on beliefs in freedom, democracy, separation of church and state, and fundamental human rights, not on religious teachings or the suppression of gay and lesbian people.

At the end, DeMint cites the Family Research Council as an important source of information on hate crimes.  THIS IS MISLEADING.  The Family Research Council is a prominent anti-gay organization that supports “the traditional family unit” and most recently opposed President Obama’s extension of federal benefits to same-sex couples.  Indeed, the FRC is one of the organizations sponsoring a “Values Voter Summit” in Washington in September that will focus on “protecting marriage” and will include such speakers as Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, and Laura Ingraham. For a useful resource on hate crimes legislation and what it will and will not do, please visitMatthewShepard.org.

I’m tired of this kind of bullshit in this state and in this country. Why can’t we, for once, protect gays and lesbians? Through DOMA and DADT, we’ve taken all their rights away. Can’t we at least protect them from hate crimes?

-Jess

I’ve been a little bummed out lately. You see, last week I was meeting with some wonderful folks from the South Carolina Equality Coalition (SC’s statewide organization devoted to advancing civil rights for the GLBT community) about joining their Board of Directors. During this brief meeting (where I had a delicious salad from California Dreaming—yummy), I was informed that the SC Republicans will most likely attempt to pass an anti-gay adoption bill in the state. This bill (which probably wouldn’t pass until 2010) would prohibit any unmarried couple from adopting a child in SC. Not surprisingly, it has quite a bit of support in the conservative state of South Carolina.

Currently, gays and lesbians cannot file jointly to adopt a child in SC. There is no law officially prohibiting it; the state just doesn’t allow it. Gays and lesbians can file as single individuals in order to adopt, but this typically requires the adopter to deny being GLBT. This new anti-gay adoption law would prohibit any single person—GLBT or straight—from adopting. Basically, the law asserts that only a married man and woman are equipped to raise a child. Not even a straight, single, successful 40-year-old career woman could adopt—much less a lesbian couple.

A law like this would be a tremendous blow to Addison and me. We want to start a family in a few years, and under a law like the one detailed in the anti-gay adoption bill, I would not be able to pursue second-parent adoption if Addison had our children, and she and I would not be able to adopt together as a couple. Effectively, we would have no way to have equal legal custody of our children. This is incredibly frustrating. We’re watching some states move forward, and it’s amazing. Vermont and Iowa have just allowed for gay marriages to be performed in their states, and it’s an exciting, wonderful time. But it feels like South Carolina is moving backward. We’re headed toward the passing of a law that would take away even more rights from the GLBT community. We’re headed in the wrong direction.

The South Carolina Equality Coalition (SCEC) is working hard, and they’ve had some significant successes. But it won’t be easy to fight the anti-gay adoption bill. Florida has had one for years. Arkansas passed theirs in November 2008. What can we do to stop one from passing here? I’m not sure what exactly, but I can’t sit around and watch anymore. I have to join the fight. I am officially beginning the process to join the Board of SC Equality. I can’t sit back any longer while the GLBT community is beaten down. I must fight back.

I don’t know what Addison and I will do if we lose the fight against this anti-gay adoption bill. I have to be honest and admit that she and I will have to seriously consider whether SC is where we want to start our family. With no relationship recognition and no adoption rights, it’s almost impossible to see how SC could be right for us. But we won’t make these tough decisions just yet. The fight has barely begun, and I am excited to be joining the ranks of the passionate people at SCEC committed to making a difference for our community.

-Jess